Getting Past No: Book Summary

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It’s dangerous to react impulsively during conflict. Use self-control to break the cycle of action and reaction.

Avoid reacting in negotiations by pausing, assessing the situation from a detached perspective ("the balcony"), and focus on long-term goals rather than immediate retaliation or appeasement.

Disarm emotional resistance in negotiations by acknowledging the other party's concerns and stepping to their side.

Actively listen, acknowledge emotions, and align with the other side's perspective before presenting your own, which can transform hostility into cooperation.

Reframing from positional standoffs to collaborative problem-solving can transform discussions.

Treat the other side as a partner, ask open-ended problem-solving questions, and use silence strategically to encourage deeper responses.

You can make it easier for your counterpart to agree by building a “golden bridge,” guiding them step-by-step toward a mutually beneficial solution.

Involve them in shaping the agreement, satisfy unmet interests, help them save face, and guide the process slowly to ensure their acceptance.

Use power constructively in negotiation. Educate opponents about the consequences of no agreement without provoking them into a power struggle.

Use power to reveal mutual interests, ask reality-testing questions, and avoid threats by framing warnings with respect to keep the focus on collaborative problem-solving.