Models Chapter 12 Summary: How to Improve Your Flirting

Anytime you interact with another person there is a chance you will be misunderstood.

If this happens to you a lot, there is a good chance it is because you are not expressing yourself clearly.

You will never be able to completely eliminate misunderstandings, but by learning how to communicate more effectively, you can minimize them.

In the world of dating, effective communication allows you to show clear intent of sexual interest.

The majority of us base our perceptions of people on the first few minutes of interacting with them.

When it comes to approaching a woman, what you say isn’t that important. She will base her opinion more so on how you present yourself, your display of non-neediness, and your ability to communicate your intentions.

If you really need a ‘pick-up line’ to use, try this:

“Hi. I know this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you. Would you like to go out for coffee?”

Or perhaps this:

“Hi, I’m [YOUR NAME]. I just wanted to meet you. [Offer your hand for a handshake]

One thing you don’t want to do when approaching a woman is startle or scare her.

Things like approaching her from behind, grabbing her, screaming, or saying something offensive or weird are likely to freak her out. If you scare her as a first impression there’s almost no chance you will be able to come back from it.

Another thing to avoid is lingering around her. Instead, as soon as you see her, make a beeline for her and ask her out. If she notices you lingering, then when you do finally approach her it will be weird. Also, the longer you wait the more likely you will psych yourself out.

And finally, do not approach with a sourpuss face or displaying a lack of confidence. Have a nice, friendly (but not excessive) smile, good posture, make eye contact, and offer a handshake.

If you’re getting rejected a lot on the approach it is because you are either presenting yourself poorly (personal grooming, dress, body language, etc), your intentions are off, or you are doing one of the things just mentioned.

The only goal for your initial approach is to get her to stop and talk to you for a second. Your conversation skills are what develop the relationship.

Effective communication is a massive subject and there are many books dedicated to it. Here are some quick pointers.

• Be concise. Convey what you mean using the fewest words possible.
• Remove filler words such as “um,” “uh, “like,” etc
• Make use of inflections, tonality, pacing, etc. Basically, don’t talk like a robot.
• Make observations and use non-sequiturs to continue conversation. It doesn’t matter if what you say is random. State a fact about yourself and talk about it. This will encourage her to open up about herself also.

Instead of asking lots of questions, guess the answer to your question and state it so that you are telling her about herself.

For example, “Where are you from?” becomes “You look like a New Yorker.”

Or, “What do you like to do in your spare time?” becomes “You look quite sporty. I bet you like to exercise.”

In every conversation you will hear key-words that you can use to continue the conversation. Use them as jump-off points to tell a related story.

To tell a good story you need to follow the story arc formula.

First comes the setup. This is the context for your story.

Next is the main content or conflict, something that causes tension and expectancy so your listener is intrigued to know what will happen next.

Finally, the resolution. This may be a punchline to a joke, a solution to the problem, or a general conclusion to the story.

To build a connection with a woman you first need to be open about yourself.

This doesn’t mean to talk about your statistics. You need to go deeper.

• What are your passions, dreams, and life goals?
• What are the best and worst experiences you’ve had?
• Describe your childhood, family life, and upbringing.

When you talk about these things, be as detailed and honest as you can.

Next, you need to get her to be open about herself. Often, she will naturally open up after you do, sharing similar experiences. If not, use cold reading to encourage her.

Finally, you need to relate to each other's experiences.

A good sense of humor is a trait that many women look for in a man.

Have the confidence to tell your jokes. If they flop, it’s fine. Just ignore it and move on.

There are many types of humor. Here are some of them.

Misdirection: When you begin to say something that has an obvious point, but then say something completely different.

Exaggeration: Blowing something way out of proportion in a creative way.

Teasing: Derogatory comments said in a fun and humorous way. If said with bad intentions, it is just insulting. Teasing polarizes quickly, which is good, though some girls will get genuinely offended.

Sarcasm: With a ‘deadpan’ expression, make an extreme statement that is completely opposite of what you mean. Women usually either love this or don’t understand it.

Wordplay and puns: ‘Dad’ jokes.

Different types of humor will appeal to different women.

Do not try to adjust your sense of humor. It will just come off awkward. Be yourself. Some people will relate and others won't. It’s a good filter. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn't share your sense of humor anyway.

Also, avoid deprecating humor. It’s fine once in a while, but putting yourself down all the time is not attractive in the long run. Instead, turn those jokes onto her.

And finally, don’t rely on humor to do the work for you. You still need to be dominant in escalating both physically and emotionally.

If you want to get better at humor, watch stand-up comedians that you like. Pay attention to their delivery, timing, and facial expressions.

You can use games as easy ways to have fun with women.

Word games, such as fuck/marry/kill or the five questions game, are good for creating conversation and building connection.

Physical games such as hand slaps or thumb wars are a good way to introduce physical contact.

Read the next chapter here.

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