Models Chapter 9 Summary: What Are Your Stories?

We all have internal stories we tell ourselves to justify our not taking action.

For example, maybe you think girls only like tall guys, or that you need to be rich, or that you’ll start approaching after a couple of drinks, or you don't have time to chat, or you don’t have a good enough opening line.

These stories are defense mechanisms, but they are holding you back.

When it comes to women, what you say or how you say it isn’t important.

The only thing that really matters is that you act.

If you are waiting for the ‘perfect’ time, you will be waiting forever. There is no perfect time, or better yet, the perfect time is straight away.

When you see an attractive woman you want to talk to, just go up and talk to her. No hesitation.

You don’t need to read more books before you start. You don’t need to level up your skills either. The main thing you need to do is act. Get over your internal resistances and move forward.

Overcoming resistance is the most important skill there is in dating and in most other things in life.

Anxiety is simply a high level of neediness, and it is the greatest obstacle for men in the dating world.

If you can remove the anxiety that prevents you from action, then trial and error will take care of the rest.

In order to overcome your anxieties you need to know what patterns you use to deal with them.

Here are the three most common patterns:

The Blame Game: When you blame something or someone else for your fear.

Apathy and avoidance: Convincing yourself that you don’t care or that it is not important.

Intellectualizing: You use studying about the issue as a way to procrastinate against taking real action.

Chances are you use one or more of these patterns, and possibly others also.

No matter which one(s) you use, they all have one thing in common: they cause you to avoid the fear but convince yourself of something that probably isn’t true.

Once you have identified your pattern(s), the next step is to break them. Here are some ways you can do that:

1. Think about which stage of escalation makes you most anxious, e.g., approaching, asking her out, the first kiss, getting more physical?

2. Write down your pattern for it. For example, I use apathy to avoid approaching women.

3. Create a goal for yourself. For example, I am going to approach at least three women a day for a week.

4. Tell someone your plan and ask him or her to keep you accountable – don’t skip this step. It makes things way easier.

When something doesn't go your way or you make up some excuse as to why you shouldn’t do something, we often use the blame game.

Blaming is a form of neediness.

Instead of blaming, take responsibility for yourself and the situation. Reframe blame as sacrifice and you will be empowered to take control of your actions.

When you watch too much porn it lowers your motivation to find real life connections.

It also creates unrealistic expectations about women and sex.

Another problem men have is that they masturbate way too often, which lowers their sex drive in real life.

To combat this, stop watching porn and limit masturbation to once a week.

On your ‘special day,’ take your time and enjoy it. Only fantasize about women you’ve actually met, have a chance of being with, but have not actually slept with (yet).

Read the next chapter here.

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