Why Most People Never Get What They Want – And How You Can

I’ve failed at a lot of things in life.

For the vast majority of those things, it wasn’t really a failure. I’d say it is more of a learning curve. You test, you fail, you learn, you try again. That’s basically how life goes.

However, there is one thing I wish I had nailed a long time ago, and that I still haven’t figured out.

It is the answer to the one question I think many people, including myself, have pondered many times, perhaps for many, many hours.

“What do you really want?”

I mean this from a life perspective. Not like, “I want that shirt” then you save some money to go buy it.

I mean, how exactly do you want your lifestyle to be?

I had this nailed until a few years ago.

Back in 2008 I read ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ for the first time and decided that I wanted to live a life of travel.

I took a job in China teaching English. I only had to work about 20 hours a week so I spent my free time writing, publishing, and marketing books. I chose this path because I wanted to create intellectual property which could be delivered digitally.

After about 3 years I was finally making enough to be able to live and travel off the royalties; about $50 a day. Clearly, I’m not a luxury traveler.

I know three years to make $50 a day is super slow, but I did spend a lot of those three years traveling. Also, I had no idea what I was doing and there wasn’t nearly as much information available back then as there is now. Still, three years is a really long time for such a meager amount.

Anyway, I’ve been living a life of travel ever since. As I get older I find myself preferring to stay in one place for months on end.

It’s a tough one. When I’m on the move, I feel like I want to settle. But whenever I stay somewhere for more than three months, I feel the need to move again.

I have no idea what I actually want.

Do you know what you want?

The formula for success is simple. Know what you want, make a plan to get it, follow the plan.

Unfortunately, every step is crucial.

If you don’t know what you want, how can you get it?

If you don’t have a plan, how will you know what steps to take to reach your goal?

If you don’t take action, nothing will happen.

Also, each step is linear.

If I don’t know what I want, how can I get it?

I’m a big believer in that although you may not be able to be whatever you want, you can certainly do whatever you want, as long as you're willing and able to put in the required effort.

Let me break this down for you.

What do you want to be when you’re older, Timmy?

‘The President of the United States of America’

This, for the majority of people in the world, is unrealistic, and perhaps even impossible if they are not a US citizen.

Likewise, if you want to be the next Michael Jordan but you are vertically challenged genetically, then you are really reaching.

So you can’t always be whatever you want, but, for the most part, you can always do what you want.

You may not be president, but you can certainly practice politics.

You may not be an N.B.A. superstar, but you can always shoot some hoops with the local team.

Does that mean you shouldn’t bother trying to be the best?

Of course not. Just realize that the higher up the food chain you want to go, the more effort you will need to put in.

Do you really want to be like Mike?

For most people, including me, I think if you really knew what his life was like, you’d say no.

Of course there are those one percenters out there who love the challenge and have the pure grit and tenacity to put in the massive amount of effort required to be the very best in the world at their craft.

If that’s you, go for it.

And if it isn’t, then you need to decide how much effort you are willing to put in to achieve the level of success you want.

Do you want a ‘normal’ life? Home, family, 9 to 5 job?

Or perhaps you want a business? Is it a lifestyle business or a billion-dollar tech company?

How you live your life is your choice. Choice is the key principle here. You need to choose what you want before you can get it.

So put in the time to really think about what you want. It’s worth the effort, because if you don’t, you’ll end up chasing false dreams, and that is the biggest waste of time of all.